since I last wrote a blog. I wrote one at the begining of the month, so I guess it's fitting that I write another one at this month's closing. So I'll just close out the month of Feb with randomness
1) The more I make, the more I spend. *sigh*. I really need to make more AND save more. How else am I going to accomplish one of my goals of building up my savings if I can't stop spending. I have GOT to get it together.
2) I've had some really interesting conversations with people about relationships which has caused me to re-evaluate myself and what I really want in life. I went to a dinner party on Sunday, and the question of the night that was asked of everyone sitting at the table was "What did YOU do to f*ck* up your last relationship?" And though I thought this was an easy enough question to answer, I had a really hard time coming up with a reason that was not directly or indirectly pointing blame at my partner (this is not good). I know that I've been the cause problems in past relationships, but it's very hard for me to vocalize my faults. And until acknowlege my own faults and can clearly communicate these problems with the person that I am with,I will continue to make these mistakes again ansd again. hmmmmm.....
3) For some odd reason it feels like a lot of people that I know (myself included) have had some unfortunate things happen to them this month. Family members have passed, cars have been broken into, relationships have ended, folks have been faced with unexpected loss of employement, and money troubles seem to persist. And though one would assume that all these negative things would have consequential affects on my attitide and state of being, I have not let these things get me down. Through it all, I have remained happy & hopeful. Thank you Lord.
4) Its interesting to visit different places of worship. This past Sunday, a friend of mine invited me to his church. Myself and a few other friends took him up on his invitation and went to see what it was all about. I can honestly say that I have never felt more welcomed and valued as a visitor of a church until this past Sunday. Besides the fact that this was their international month(most of the congregation was African), in which they've been having presentations (songs, dance, plays, video viewings) representing different countries in Africa, which I found to be very entertaining and educational... the pastor seemed to be one of the niceest, most genuine men I've met to serve in this capacity. During service not only did the pastor acknowledge the visitors (as they do in most all churches), but they held a short meeting with the visitors shortly afterwards to express their sincere appreciation of our attendance. Later on that day, I recieved a call from one of the sisters of the church to again express how happy they were to have me there. It was AWESOME. I will visit again.
5) I bought two new dresses this week! And let me tell ya...they are Ka-YUTE! I love um. Ok, so one of them isn't that new...I got it from a thrift store in the area...but hey, it's new to me and thats all that counts! The other dress was purchased from one of my favorite stores. Where you ask? No not Macys, not BEBE, not GUESS, not Norstorm or any of those fancy store. I got it from ROSS! Like they say...ROSS, dress for less. And LESS it was! I only paid 15 bucks for it! Hooray for bargains!
6) I made many new friends over the past month, however, my relationship with others seems to have shifted. I don't know the exact reason for this change, but I guess we all have some things to discuss.
7) Having pets can be expensive. Lets see.....how much have a spent on this spoiled pooch of mine this month. Food($10) + Clothes($20) + Vetinary cost($126) + Grooming($43) + Pet Health insurance ($24/month) = TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
Extroverted Introvert?
This weekend I discovered something about myself. I discovered that my environment has a major affect on my attitude and how I act around different people. I mean, most people would say the same about themselves…they’d agree that they too are influenced by their setting, but for some reason, I hadn’t realized how big of an impact my environment has on me. Upon meeting me, most people would say that I’m an extrovert. I love meeting and talking to people, I love to have a good time, and you can always count on me to make sure that everyone else around me is having a great time as well. When I’m happy, I want other around me to be happy. When I’m sad, it still want others around me to be in positive spirits. But this weekend was different.
So I went to an event at church this weekend. The event was titled “Real Talk about Relationships” featuring dinner, entertainment, and discussion. Overall, I will have to say the event was really nice. The atmosphere was nice, and food was cool, and it was a great opportunity to meet and fellowship with other young believers in the church. Many of the faces I had seen before, but there were also other folks that I hadn’t recognized. As far as the discussion went, it was more of an open forum where they had a panel of married, engaged, and single individuals all speaking on their views on relationships and what influences God plays in their lives. And though I felt the panel did a good job answering questions that were asked of them, many of the responses were what I had expected. I expected people to say “Trust in God… he will provide you with the man that you pray for.” “If you want a real man, a leader….then you as a woman need to be able to follow…to submit.” But for some reason I was looking for something else. I was looking for more tangible responses. I wanted to hear something that I hadn’t heard before. But maybe what I really needed was reinforcement. Maybe I DID need to hear it again.
Anyway….I just realized that I went of on a huge tangent. My original reason for even mentioning the event is because I hardly said a thing that night. I listened attentively to what people had to share, but did not share any real thoughts of my own (though a lot was going on in my head given all that’s going on right now). That night I really withdrew myself from all that was going on around me. I’m still wondering if my behavior was the result of not really feeling like I’ve been as involved in church as I should be and not really knowing people, or maybe it was because of the topic of discussion. I don’t know what it was, but it was a strange feeling.
This weekend, I also attended a couple of Superbowl parties. (Yaaay for Black Coaches!!!) I ate a lot, talked to people who I hadn’t seen in a hot minute, watched the game, and commentated throughout the night. However, as opposed to the first party where I knew almost everyone, the second party was comprised of many people who I had never seen before. It felt like everyone there knew one another. And though there were a few people that I had seen at his events before, there weren’t many people that I actually knew. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I did as well actually. But it was weird…I felt a little shy. I didn’t go out of my way to introduce myself or mingle with the pre established cliques. I pretty much kept to myself, and observed the scene. O.K….so if you know anything about me, you know this is not typical of me. Me,,…SHY? Naw,… not me. I’m usually the hype woman (or so I thought). But not this weekend. This weekend I found myself being very introverted, a bit timid and reserved. So now I'm left to wonder, am I really an extrovert? I mean… I love to party, go out, meet new people, speak in front of crowds and all that good “extroverted” stuff. OR and I an introvert? I would have never labeled myself as one, but maybe deep down I really am. Maybe I use my extroverted character to mask my insecurities and introverted self. Hmmmm……(a person can be both right?)
So I went to an event at church this weekend. The event was titled “Real Talk about Relationships” featuring dinner, entertainment, and discussion. Overall, I will have to say the event was really nice. The atmosphere was nice, and food was cool, and it was a great opportunity to meet and fellowship with other young believers in the church. Many of the faces I had seen before, but there were also other folks that I hadn’t recognized. As far as the discussion went, it was more of an open forum where they had a panel of married, engaged, and single individuals all speaking on their views on relationships and what influences God plays in their lives. And though I felt the panel did a good job answering questions that were asked of them, many of the responses were what I had expected. I expected people to say “Trust in God… he will provide you with the man that you pray for.” “If you want a real man, a leader….then you as a woman need to be able to follow…to submit.” But for some reason I was looking for something else. I was looking for more tangible responses. I wanted to hear something that I hadn’t heard before. But maybe what I really needed was reinforcement. Maybe I DID need to hear it again.
Anyway….I just realized that I went of on a huge tangent. My original reason for even mentioning the event is because I hardly said a thing that night. I listened attentively to what people had to share, but did not share any real thoughts of my own (though a lot was going on in my head given all that’s going on right now). That night I really withdrew myself from all that was going on around me. I’m still wondering if my behavior was the result of not really feeling like I’ve been as involved in church as I should be and not really knowing people, or maybe it was because of the topic of discussion. I don’t know what it was, but it was a strange feeling.
This weekend, I also attended a couple of Superbowl parties. (Yaaay for Black Coaches!!!) I ate a lot, talked to people who I hadn’t seen in a hot minute, watched the game, and commentated throughout the night. However, as opposed to the first party where I knew almost everyone, the second party was comprised of many people who I had never seen before. It felt like everyone there knew one another. And though there were a few people that I had seen at his events before, there weren’t many people that I actually knew. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I did as well actually. But it was weird…I felt a little shy. I didn’t go out of my way to introduce myself or mingle with the pre established cliques. I pretty much kept to myself, and observed the scene. O.K….so if you know anything about me, you know this is not typical of me. Me,,…SHY? Naw,… not me. I’m usually the hype woman (or so I thought). But not this weekend. This weekend I found myself being very introverted, a bit timid and reserved. So now I'm left to wonder, am I really an extrovert? I mean… I love to party, go out, meet new people, speak in front of crowds and all that good “extroverted” stuff. OR and I an introvert? I would have never labeled myself as one, but maybe deep down I really am. Maybe I use my extroverted character to mask my insecurities and introverted self. Hmmmm……(a person can be both right?)
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