Funny how things change over time

It was long overdue. I had some time on my hands, so I did what I do best and I spent a good deal of time reflecting. I thought back on how my life had been when I first moved out here to NC....

When I first moved out here for gradschool I knew no one. Not one single person. I had no friends, no family, no nothin. It was just me.... surrounded by trees....HELLLLLLA trees. I was anxious to start a new chapter of my life. I'd be learning new things, meeting new poeple, sharing new experiences, and becoming a more independent person....or so I thought. However, when I finally made the move 3,000 miles away from the only people that I love and trusted, the only people that knew and accepted me, I realized that the transition wasn't going to be as easy as I had once anticipated.

School started off a bit rocky. It wasn't that the classes were too difficut for me (don't get me wrong, the program was intense and challenging as all get out), but I had a hard time making the adjustment into gradschool because I was so unhappy with my life here. I spent many days crying on the phone, wondering what the hell I was thinking when I decided to move out here. Out of all the schools I had been accepted to, why did I choose to come to North Carolina. I felt very alone and vulnerable. I'm a grown ass woman, why am I crying to much? People make moves all the time....right? "Alright, lemme try to make the best of it, it's only two years....two years, I'm sure it'll go by sooner than I expect" is what I tried to tell myself. So I met some people in my program who I'd hang out with from time to time. We'd do the whole bar thing, hang out at someone's house party, do random lil things in what Chapel Hill had to offer, but I never really thought of them as my real friends. I wanted to be with MY friends. My friends that knew and accepted the real me, the happy, the silly, the clueless me. I felt so alone out here. At times I'd even sit and think about who would actually call or come to check up on me in the event that something should happen to me out here. Like I said, I talked to my folks back at home all the time, but what could they really do from way across the country? Who would know if I was in trouble, lost, or needed help? It was just me all by myself.

That was a little over 2 years ago. The tears no longer flow uncontrollably. I no longer feel alone. And though it took me a while to reach this point, I can honestly say that I am happy where I am. I've come to realize that there are people who care about me out here in NC. Like truely care about me and my well being. This is not something I would have said a year and a half ago...or shall I say, would have actually believed. I mean, I've known that there were people that I could call on when I needed a random favor here and there, but I never really felt like I had people out here looking out for me.

But this weekend, I realized that situations had changed.

As of late I've been keeping pretty much to myself. Except for the daily conversations with my boyfriend, girlfriends from Cali, and close friend out here, I haven't really been in communication with many folks. Actually, I've been kinda ghost. Sometimes I get into these weird moods where I'd rather be by myself. I'd rather stay indoors. I'd rather listen to music and let and let my mind wander off into space. Sometimes I just need time for ME. Well... given the fact that I've been in a pretty reclusive mood and haven't been my usual "social" self, a few people that I'm pretty close to out here have taken notice, and have reached out to me via phone calls, texts, e-mail etc. And though I had no intensions of worrying them (especially given the fact that nothing is going on), it was comforting to know that I have people out here who care, and are concerned enough to check up on me when they notice that something doesn't seem right.

It's funny how things change over time. But today I can say that I am thankful to have such wonderful, caring people in my life.......on both coasts.