Distorted perception of beauty

Please view the link provided below.

Once you've watched it, come back and read the blog...thanks.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html

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When I watched the clip, tears began to run down my face (I know...I know I cry a lot). It was both uplifting and disheartening for me at the same time. It was uplifting to know that I don't have to feel the need to live up to some created standard of beauty. It was apparent from this clip that the images we see the magazines, on billboards, and in the media, aren't people in their natural state. But it was difficult for me to watch because as much as I try to deny the fact that I am not influenced but what I see, I realize that these distorted images have really shaped my perception of beauty, and has resulted in me being very unhappy with a lot of my own self image. I often feel like I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, and don’t quite measure up to the women that I see. I find myself standing in the mirror pulling, pinching, and tucking different parts of my body. You know...wishing that I can just make that extra skin under my chin disappear. But I can't. If only I could use that digital imaging on myself...if only.

Though it may not seem this way from the outside especially given the fact that I'm quick to jump in front of a camera's lens, I tend to be a very self conscious person. It always feels like people are looking at me, criticizing me, and pointing out my flaws. If only I could be a little taller, have perkier breasts, smaller lips, nicer texture hair, cute little nose, bigger butt, have a more defined waist I'd be a much happier person.... I think

Why am I so critical of my self? Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate hearing compliments. As with most people, I like to hear when someone likes something about me. "Awwww..thank you," I say. But in my mind, I don't quite see the same thing they see. Is my perception of beauty really that warped? Why can't I look like the girls in the videos and magazines? Not the ones that continue perpetuate the objectification of women with little to no clothes on, ass in the air, feening for the attention of a man...no not those ones.. You know, the ones with the flawless skin, the perfect smile, the long flowing hair, the body to die for. Where do they find these girls anyway? I don't know why it’s so easy for me to see the beauty in others, but so hard for me to acknowledge the beauty within myself. I know that I'm not ugly, but why don't I feel beautiful?

I wonder if other women (and men) feel this way about themselves. Have I allowed the media to manipulate my mind to the extent that I can no longer see clearly? Will my perception of beauty be forever distorted?

If only I could change....