So I went out last night with a few friends to the usual Friday night spot and had a cool time. The crowd was o.k., the DJ was kinda bunk, but overall I still had a good time. I know it seems like I go out a lot, I’m probably in the scene a little more than I should be, but I really crave music and dancing. Take for example last night…it wasn’t the best party that I’ve gone to, BUT I came with friends, I had a few people to dance with (when the music was decent) and I was in good spirits. I’m not interested in meeting people, don’t care to be holla’d at, don’t want to hold a conversation on the dance floor, all I want to do is dance. However, my desire to satisfy my dance craving has caused others to build preconceived notions about me.
Do not confuse my dancing to mean that I want you. My dancing with you does no imply that I am available. My dancing should not suggest whether or not I’m freak. I’m dancing with you because I love to dance. Nothing more nothing less. But it has been brought to my attention that my dancing may be sending out the wrong message to people. So does this mean that I stop doing one of the things that brings me the most joy? Does this mean that I have to always worry about what other people are thinking? Should I give guys the rundown (I AM NOT SINGLE, I DON’T WANT YOU, I AM NOT necessarily A FREAK) before we approach the dance floor? I don’t really know what to do. Any suggestions? Actually, maybe this’ll force me to be more proactive about joining a dance class. I've been meaning to to this ever since I moved out here. Maybe this way I will channel my club/party dancing into something more socially acceptable for a person in a relationship.
My hair…
I know I’ve talked to some of you before about this, but ever since I’ve started growing locs, it has been an angle many people have taken to initiate conversation. Don’t get me wrong…I love talking about hair, my hair, your hair, her hair, whatever, but when guys ask me about my hair with the sole intension of trying to get my number, it becomes a little annoying. Last night while I was out, this guy started asking me questions about my hair (he too had locs). I thought the casual conversation was going o.k. until….dun dun duuuun…he tried to holla. Why, why do I fall for this trick every time!?! I get all excited, first the compliment "Oh, your hair looks really nice", then the "how long have you been growing your hair?" "can I touch it?" followed by "so ummm...can I get yo' numba?"..NAW! Hell naw! You tricked me! I mean, I know this is only one example. But this situation happens all too often. Is my hair really that different?
8 comments:
I went through this exact same thing when I was your age, lol. You probably can't tell now but I also love to dance. I got the same feedback that it might be sending the wrong message. On one hand you know your intentions and it's not your fault if other people can't behave themselves. On the other hand the reality is that other people can't behave themselves.
I had a guy tell me "if you just want to dance do that in your living room." There is a perception about people who dance at clubs. It's a sad day when we can't enjoy ourselves because other people are immature.
So what I changed was that I still dance but I try not to "work it out" quite as much.
Unfortunately people do judge us based on our dancing. When I lived in the ATL I would dance until I sweat. I'd be all over the place and if there was a stage, me and my friends could be found dancing on it. But that was what everyone did so it wasn't a big deal. In the Triangle, people think dancing is a your way of trying to holla and it bothers me. That's why I don't enjoy going out as much because folks don't know how to just have fun and they don't know how to let "what goes on in the club stay in the club". I don't want to hear about what I did at the club when I'm at work.
Sad to say but dancing does lead some folks on. Just think about what dancing does, it is an outward expression of yourself. Think about what you are dancing too? Dancing is the first thing that usually leads to trouble. Dancing is both stimulating and sexual in nature. Should it be like this, no?
But I have often heard women go out with the object of turning some guy on and leaving him on the dance floor.
Below is a definition dancing found on dictionary.com
Dancing
A stylized pattern of movements performed by an animal, as a bird in courtship display, or an insect, as a honeybee in indicating a source of nectar.
As guy or girl one most do the difference between dancing and a sexually advance
A lot of women that love to dance don’t dance for fear of what it might cause
What are your thoughts?
I actually just had a conversation with a friend of mine who had e-mailed me after reading the blog. She too (as with most women) has had this problem of dealing with misperceptions or misjudging her when she's out on the dance floor. And she said that no matter how many times she told people that she was dancing with other people (even though she is in a relationship) simply because she enjoyed dancing....people still didn't believe her. But as you stated Ryan, I believe that some people DO dance with others with the sole intention of getting a rise out of them BUT not all people are this way. People don't know how to leave dancing on the dance floor. I agree, we all need to learn the difference btw dancing and sexual advancements. The comment you made about some females not wanting to dance out of fear that it may cause.....I actually know a couple of people like this. I hope that my fear of people misinterpreting my actions doesn’t drive me to be this way. But at this point I've already tried to limit myself to dancing with people that I already know. But I’m sure people will still have something to say.
but ey, I hope you ain't think that I was insinuating anything my "dancing" comment other than "it's fun to dance with someone who enjoys dancing as much as I do--next time I'll be ready. ha, ha, laugh, laugh". Nah, yo. I understand where your coming from and I have the same convo with people about clubbing and whatnot. From my perspective, I really don't wanna talk to the female either. Hell, half the time I'm not even looking at the female, because 1. I'm concentratin' on myself and gettin MY shit together, rhythmically, and 2. 75% of the song, she's prolly positioned and dancing with ther back facing me, which is fine too, cause quite frankly(without being all perverted about it) I'm an ass man, myself.
Yeah, I save all that talkin shit for the bar or outside or some shit. If I ain't in the club to get my GQ on and mingle, I'm tryin to be drunk and sweat my outfit out by dancing with as many women as I can. Talkin and tryin to holla at women just ain't in the program. Especially when I got a girlfriend. What's the point? If I don't know you already, sometimes friendly banter is pointless, unless we talkin about who the Knicks beat that night. I just came here to dance damnit!! Yeah, I feel you. But what really pisses me off is when a female walks away from you when you push up on her, suggesting that you want to dance with her. I'm just like, "ok, I know that I might not be desirable to everyone, but DAMN, if yo' ass is ON the dancefloor and someone wants to dance with you, either dance or get the hell off the dancefloor. You takin up valuable space. It's already bad enough that the nigga beside me with the cigarrette done burnt 3 holes in my blazer cause I was "too close". Why you gotta have pre-requisites for a petty 3-min. long dance anyway?." Like I mentioned earlier--you ain't even got to LOOK at the brother if you don't want to. Just fake it. If he's anything like me, he'll get the point and move on after the song.
That's why I hate goin to fuckin undergrad parties. Women there act like you on a mission or somethin', when actually, you just came because you wanted to see how you, in your mid to late 20's still match up against the "young girls". But you really do gotta find the "freaks" if you wanna test yo' shit, cause all the "normal" ones who are wasting space on the dance floor think that you tryin to holla. It ain't till they grow up and realize that it's a "nigga shortage" that they oblige to dance with whatever comes they way (sometimes). But by then, they think that they're too old to "throw it back and pop it" like they could have when they were younger. So then they end up dancing too damn conservative--making you feel like every song is "Happy People" by R. Kelly.
We could talk all day about it. The dynamics are hilarious.
LMAO Gurl... I was rollin' readin' this.
Mfs stay tryina small talk wit my ass about some locs... and I GET AGGY when MFs that HAVE locs wanna "touch it." I'm sittin' there thinkin' "DONT YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR OWN HAIR FEELS LIKE! SHEESH! BACK UP!"
But yea, if you drop it and shake it n twerk it... LOL Er'body assumes you tryina' show somebody sumthin' aka send out the signal. LOL Sometimes I dance up the signal, I'm not gon front. :)
But sometimes I really just want to DANCE. I do that ALL too often here in Denmark, cuz aint nothin' or nobody to look at... LOL Somehow I still end up attractin' the weird straight men (at the gay clubs no less) that want my number... UGH...
N ya boy Eric had me rollin' for real. HAHA...
But uh one note re: "Like I mentioned earlier--you ain't even got to LOOK at the brother if you don't want to. Just fake it. If he's anything like me, he'll get the point and move on after the song."
A LOT of people I've danced with, DON'T get the point... and stick around. Then I'm tryin' play hide and DONT peek at the club... LMAO. If they find you again, they STILL tryina dance! WHAT IS REALLY GOIN ON! LMAO
Eric...you are a mess! Funny as hell, but hilarious none the less. I can appreciate your honesty. FA REAL. This had me roll'n...
"I'm just like, "ok, I know that I might not be desirable to everyone, but DAMN, if yo' ass is ON the dancefloor and someone wants to dance with you, either dance or get the hell off the dancefloor. You takin up valuable space. It's already bad enough that the nigga beside me with the cigarrette done burnt 3 holes in my blazer cause I was "too close".
I mean, can you blame a girl for wanting to dance by herself or with her friends sometimes. I mean I understand the fact that you shouldn't be on the DANCE floor if you dont want to dance, but doesn't a female have the right to be selective should she choose to be?
You gotta understand that some women don't know how to diferentiate btw people wanting to simply dance, and someone trying to be all up on her (tryna holla) b/c It happens all too often.
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