Looks like I'm averaging about one post a month. I don't know what it is about this whole blog thing. but I'm starting to lose interest in posting new blogs. I think that par of i may be because I feel that someone that I don't really care to know the daily happenings of my life prolly has access and has been peering into my life all along...and I didn't even know. I guess that's the risk you run when your expose yourself to the world for all to see. Nevertheless, I'll try to post from time to time.
So...on my random rambles of recent events.
Inappropriate gym attire
Somethings simply should not be worn the the gym. I don't see how anyone can find comfort in working out with tight jeans on. Like...how can you really bend and stretch with nut hugger jeans on. I just don't get it. Oh, and what about those crock shoes. Granted, for some odd reason those shoes bother me in general (if not being worn inside of a medical setting), however, it really got under my skin when I saw this young guys wearing them in to the gym. At first I thought that he wore them in with the intent of changing them when he got into the dressing room, but nawwww...this foo came out with basketball shorts, a wife beater, and those DOGGONE crocks! WTF! Oh, and this had to take the cake. I saw a girl running on the treadmill with FLIP FLOPS on! Flip flops? fa real? Like, who does that. It's bad enough trying to run on concrete with flip flops on....like say if you're trying to catch a bus. But damn, running on the treadmill with those suckers on! I mean....that requires someone making a conscious decision to get on the machine to actually run with the most unsupportive shoes EVER!
The licence plate and car don't seem to match....but whatever
So I walk to work every morning. Well not actually walk to work, but I walk from the parking lot located 1/2 mile from my office everyday. Meaning....I at least walk a mile a day or sometimes 2. HOORAY for incorporating physical activity into my day. Anyway, so as I walk to work, I tend to notice things in my surrounding. I watch people and tend observe their behaviors and mannerisms. I watch as veterans sit out side of the V. A. hospital inhaling cigarettes (while being hooked up to a ventilator...mind you). I watch children as they hold the hand of their parent as they scurry to cross the busy street. I watch as cars go by hurriedly to reach their destination. And for some odd reason I tend to notice all the cars parked in the lots near my job. Some fancy, some...not so much. Well anyway, there's a couple of cars that tend to stand out to me. Not because there's anything particularly special about the car per se....but, something just doesn't seem right. O.K. so as some of you know...I work around medical facilities, and as such, there tends to be a lot of cars belonging to MDs. Anyways, there's this car that has a licence plate that reads "Diva Dr" "Dr. Diva" or something like that. So 1, I automatically assume that the car belongs to a blk woman. Might be wrong...but hey, that's my guess. Anyway, nothin against the licence plate. Hey do what you do. Be proud of that MD. Shyt...you earned it! BUT....something just doesn't match when the customed license plate (that's obviously written to draw ppls attention) is on that of a Toyota Corolla. Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothin wrong with a TC. Shoot...I drive a Honda Civic...so I'm the last one to be talking. BUT, if you're gonna have a licence plate as flashy as that, it would seem fitting to have a flashy car to match. Anyway, those are just my thoughts.
Speaking of cars...
Is it wrong for me to find something wrong with seeing handicapped plates on the back of sport vehicles? I mean damn! How handicapped can you be driving a car with a v-8 engine? There's this one car...candy apple red new Mustang convertible that's always parked by my job...and for some reason it just doesn't seem right to see the handicapped placard in the window. Hmmmm...
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Common Concert!!!! LIVE LIVE LIVE
I received a text yesterday morning informing me that there was going to be a free Common concert going on at Duke. FREE...is always good. But COMMON is fine as shyt, so FREE + COMMON concert was music to my ears. I had a really good time. It's been a long time since I've been to an actual concert, and going to this one reminded me of how much I enjoy them. Good music, great friends, and foiiiine Common equals a GREAT night!
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
I'm BAAAAAACK !!!!!
That's right! Guess who's back in the mutha f*ck'n house...with a big d' fo ya mutha f*ck'n mouth!...lol. (ewww...that was kinda bad huh?..lol)
Yup that's right..I'm back in the game! Since my last post, I've been visiting the gym, working up a sweat, burning calories, and working on getting back in shape. It's crazy how good my body feels after working out at the gym. Though we all experience the whole tiredness that comes when you force your body to exude extra energy, I feel so ENERGIZED and AMPED when I've completed a good workout!
*public service announcement * THE GYM IS NOT Aries Lounge (for my NC folk) or the Air Lounge (for my Cali folk)...the gym is just that...the gym! I swear to God, sometimes I walk into to the gym and forget where I am. Blast the music a little louder, and you'd think you were at the club. Girls walking around with make-up on, dudes tryna holla left and right. It's ridic! Please please please...DO NOT try to talk to me while I'm crunched over trying to do these annoying ab exercises. And if you see me sweating up a storm, breathing hella heavy, again, don't try to talk to me because I'm probably in "the zone" and shyt... I prolly stink.
Anyway, so all this work in the gym has given me the energy that I've been missing in my life. I feel good, and by the summer, I'll look GREAT!
Now to the real subject at hand....DANCE CLASS #2! Like I said above....I'm BAAAACK B*THCES! You woulda thought I was a different person from the one writing the last posting. You couldn't tell me NOTHIN on Monday....I was tight!...lol. So I got to class early...woo hoo! I changed into my dance clothes with time to spare before it was time for me to hit the floor. Apparently the beginners hip hop class was immediately before mine, so I was able to catch a glimpse. And boy oh boy am I happy I didn't sign up for THAT class. I could just see it now....me sitting there irritated by all the two left footed people dancing around me. Not a good look.
So my class began promptly at 7:00pm. We stretched and went through a whole warm up routine. Parts of my body ached...but I was fine with that. This was gonna be a better dancing experience dangit! I did a quick scan of the room and noticed that I was not the only one not wearing those doggone jazz hip hop dance shoes. *sigh of relief*. I really tried to find some...granted I only began my search the day before the 2nd class...and I couldn't find any that were reasonably priced. Plus, who wants to spend 65 of their hard earned dollars on shoes that are ugly as hell, and won't get worn again after the class is over. Not I! And with that said....I didn't! The only thing wrong this time around was that...unlike the other 2 females who wore regular sneakers, mine had the never to squeak the entire time. Now I'd be damn! Just when I thought I was clear of all embarrassment...
The new chorography was to Ciara's "Promise". Now, if you don't know what song this is...its the one that say somethin' like "come enjoy the life, baby take your time, I just wanna find is, you, you." (yeah, I had to google the lyrics, cuz ya'll know I don't know the words to NOTHIN) Anyway, so the song is slow, but the dance has a cross between slow and fast tempo moves. Kinda cool too. The dance has a lot of sex appeal, and the moves are kind of seductive, so you know I was alllll over it. Anyway, to make a long posting short....lets just say I had a GREAT time! You couldn't tell me a damn thing on the dance floor. We'll be building on this routine in our future classes, so I'm definitely eager to see what the instructor has in store. Until next week folks...
Yay! to having a good 2nd dance class experience
Yup that's right..I'm back in the game! Since my last post, I've been visiting the gym, working up a sweat, burning calories, and working on getting back in shape. It's crazy how good my body feels after working out at the gym. Though we all experience the whole tiredness that comes when you force your body to exude extra energy, I feel so ENERGIZED and AMPED when I've completed a good workout!
*public service announcement * THE GYM IS NOT Aries Lounge (for my NC folk) or the Air Lounge (for my Cali folk)...the gym is just that...the gym! I swear to God, sometimes I walk into to the gym and forget where I am. Blast the music a little louder, and you'd think you were at the club. Girls walking around with make-up on, dudes tryna holla left and right. It's ridic! Please please please...DO NOT try to talk to me while I'm crunched over trying to do these annoying ab exercises. And if you see me sweating up a storm, breathing hella heavy, again, don't try to talk to me because I'm probably in "the zone" and shyt... I prolly stink.
Anyway, so all this work in the gym has given me the energy that I've been missing in my life. I feel good, and by the summer, I'll look GREAT!
Now to the real subject at hand....DANCE CLASS #2! Like I said above....I'm BAAAACK B*THCES! You woulda thought I was a different person from the one writing the last posting. You couldn't tell me NOTHIN on Monday....I was tight!...lol. So I got to class early...woo hoo! I changed into my dance clothes with time to spare before it was time for me to hit the floor. Apparently the beginners hip hop class was immediately before mine, so I was able to catch a glimpse. And boy oh boy am I happy I didn't sign up for THAT class. I could just see it now....me sitting there irritated by all the two left footed people dancing around me. Not a good look.
So my class began promptly at 7:00pm. We stretched and went through a whole warm up routine. Parts of my body ached...but I was fine with that. This was gonna be a better dancing experience dangit! I did a quick scan of the room and noticed that I was not the only one not wearing those doggone jazz hip hop dance shoes. *sigh of relief*. I really tried to find some...granted I only began my search the day before the 2nd class...and I couldn't find any that were reasonably priced. Plus, who wants to spend 65 of their hard earned dollars on shoes that are ugly as hell, and won't get worn again after the class is over. Not I! And with that said....I didn't! The only thing wrong this time around was that...unlike the other 2 females who wore regular sneakers, mine had the never to squeak the entire time. Now I'd be damn! Just when I thought I was clear of all embarrassment...
The new chorography was to Ciara's "Promise". Now, if you don't know what song this is...its the one that say somethin' like "come enjoy the life, baby take your time, I just wanna find is, you, you." (yeah, I had to google the lyrics, cuz ya'll know I don't know the words to NOTHIN) Anyway, so the song is slow, but the dance has a cross between slow and fast tempo moves. Kinda cool too. The dance has a lot of sex appeal, and the moves are kind of seductive, so you know I was alllll over it. Anyway, to make a long posting short....lets just say I had a GREAT time! You couldn't tell me a damn thing on the dance floor. We'll be building on this routine in our future classes, so I'm definitely eager to see what the instructor has in store. Until next week folks...
Yay! to having a good 2nd dance class experience
Thursday, April 05, 2007
I've lost my mojo! :(
So guys...I did it! I've been talking about it since the day I moved out to North Carolina, but I finally found the time and money to sign up for a dance class. Granted, it cost a lot more than I had intended on paying, but I guess free opportunities to dance aren't running rampant around these parts. None the less, I signed up for an ADVANCE hip hop dance class. Why did I sign up for an advance course some may ask? Well, because I'm a "DANCER" remember! I've been dancing since the first grade. I was president of the Occidental Dance Production in college, and I've choreographed quite a few hip hop and African dance pieces of my own. So why wouldn't I sign up for an advance course right? Plus, I figured, hey I'm paying all this money for 8 dance classes anyway, I might as well feel challenged. There's nothin worse than feeling bored as hell in a dance class.
Anywho, here it was happened on my first day...
I get to the class (30 freak'n minutes LATE)....mind you, the class is only 1 hour! I got there late because I had an interview for this mentor program (lil plug for Durham Companions- www.durhamcompanion.org) that I've recently signed up for, and the interview went a lot longer than anticipated. Thank God the office of the mentor program was in the same area as the dance class. It took me all of 2 minutes to get there. Had I not already paid for the dance class, I wouldn't have even gone when I finally realized how late I was. But you know....foo's don't be tryna waist no money, so I took my butt to the class anyway cuz dammit I was gonna get my 30 minutes worth...lol
As a arrived at the dance studio, I looked through the glass window and noticed that there were about 15 females in the course being instructed by the cutest lil white girl ever. The instructor looked like one of those typical L.A. dancers. She was real petite, nice body, wore hella layers of clothes. You know what I'm talking about right...like when they wear the tank top, with a cut up, of the shoulder sweat shirt, and big baggy shorts, with tights, and funky hip hop jazz shoes and somehow EVERYTHING looks trendy.
Anway, so I quickly run into the bathroom to change into my clothes. I mean, I was ALREADY 30 minutes late, and now I had to use up more time to get out of my work clothes. So here I am practically throwing stuff off of my body. F tryna get into a lil ass stall, I changed right in the middle of the bathroom. I figured, hey if someone walked in on me, so what! We're all dancers right, I'm sure they've seen a practically naked female body before.
I walk into the dance studio, set my things down, and quickly stretch, so that I join the rest of the class. Everyone seemed all advanced and shyt! Looked like they'd been doing the routine for years....not 30 minutes! I try to fall into place, and catch on to what others were doing. I was bending, kick'n, pop'n and lock'n with the best of em'. I hadn't rolled my body like this in a loooong time (and club gyrating don't count...lol). Obviously my body was not used to this. I felt bones crack'n, muscles cramping and being strained like they hadn't been strained before. It was crazy. What the hell was happening to my body.
Looks are definitelty deceiving. At least they are in my case. I am sooooo out of shape. Here I am, one of the only 3 black females in the class (and you know how we think we're just TIGHT at dancing), and I can barely hang. I'm sweating (which is good) and huffing and puffing (which is not so good), and feeling like I'm bout to pass the f*ck out! Mind you, I've only only been dancing for 30 minutes, and the lil white girls in the class were putting me to shame. I really need to get it together. My body aint what it used to be. *sigh*
I'm a DANCER dammit! DAAAAANCER!
So things that went wrong in my first day of dance class:
* I was 30 minutes late for a class that was only 1 hour
*I couldn't fully grasp the dance routine (b/c I was late)
*My body was not trying to cooperate and do the things that the teacher was instructing
*I was huffing an puffing as if I weighed 300lbs and was carrying a baby
*OH....and I forgot to mention the fact that I had on my Nike shocks...while everyone in the class had on hip hop jazz shoes. So not only am I late, but I'm also scuffing up the dance floor. By the time the class what over, you could see black skid marks everywhere! How embarrassing....*sigh* But shyt who knew...I've been doing hip hop for a while, and never had it even crossed my mind that my cute lil sneakers were not the lick! I mean, maybe it's the hood in me and the fact that I'm from Oakland, but I tell ya this, wasn't none of my friends running to the dance store to buy some fancy"hip hop jazz shoes" when we were gonna dance in the basket ball rally, or homecoming, or anything like that. So shoot me for not being prepared!
Needless to say, this experience was a reality check. Again, it reinforced the fact that I really need to get it together. I'm out of shape, and I know that my body will not always look the way it looks now so I need to take care of it. To avoid embarrassment, I'll be getting some dance shoes. Oh...and though I'm late to almost everything, I WILL be making it to dance class on time. These girls will NOT upstage me!..lol
Oh, and for the record, this experience has also inspired me to join a gym. I'm happy to announce that I just enrolled for a year membership to Peak Fitness. So if any of you reading this have a membership to this club, get at me so that we can be work out buddies. Lord knows I'm gonna need the motivation and support.
I'll be sure to fill you in on my 2nd dance class session. Hopefully it'll be better than the first.
Anywho, here it was happened on my first day...
I get to the class (30 freak'n minutes LATE)....mind you, the class is only 1 hour! I got there late because I had an interview for this mentor program (lil plug for Durham Companions- www.durhamcompanion.org) that I've recently signed up for, and the interview went a lot longer than anticipated. Thank God the office of the mentor program was in the same area as the dance class. It took me all of 2 minutes to get there. Had I not already paid for the dance class, I wouldn't have even gone when I finally realized how late I was. But you know....foo's don't be tryna waist no money, so I took my butt to the class anyway cuz dammit I was gonna get my 30 minutes worth...lol
As a arrived at the dance studio, I looked through the glass window and noticed that there were about 15 females in the course being instructed by the cutest lil white girl ever. The instructor looked like one of those typical L.A. dancers. She was real petite, nice body, wore hella layers of clothes. You know what I'm talking about right...like when they wear the tank top, with a cut up, of the shoulder sweat shirt, and big baggy shorts, with tights, and funky hip hop jazz shoes and somehow EVERYTHING looks trendy.
Anway, so I quickly run into the bathroom to change into my clothes. I mean, I was ALREADY 30 minutes late, and now I had to use up more time to get out of my work clothes. So here I am practically throwing stuff off of my body. F tryna get into a lil ass stall, I changed right in the middle of the bathroom. I figured, hey if someone walked in on me, so what! We're all dancers right, I'm sure they've seen a practically naked female body before.
I walk into the dance studio, set my things down, and quickly stretch, so that I join the rest of the class. Everyone seemed all advanced and shyt! Looked like they'd been doing the routine for years....not 30 minutes! I try to fall into place, and catch on to what others were doing. I was bending, kick'n, pop'n and lock'n with the best of em'. I hadn't rolled my body like this in a loooong time (and club gyrating don't count...lol). Obviously my body was not used to this. I felt bones crack'n, muscles cramping and being strained like they hadn't been strained before. It was crazy. What the hell was happening to my body.
Looks are definitelty deceiving. At least they are in my case. I am sooooo out of shape. Here I am, one of the only 3 black females in the class (and you know how we think we're just TIGHT at dancing), and I can barely hang. I'm sweating (which is good) and huffing and puffing (which is not so good), and feeling like I'm bout to pass the f*ck out! Mind you, I've only only been dancing for 30 minutes, and the lil white girls in the class were putting me to shame. I really need to get it together. My body aint what it used to be. *sigh*
I'm a DANCER dammit! DAAAAANCER!
So things that went wrong in my first day of dance class:
* I was 30 minutes late for a class that was only 1 hour
*I couldn't fully grasp the dance routine (b/c I was late)
*My body was not trying to cooperate and do the things that the teacher was instructing
*I was huffing an puffing as if I weighed 300lbs and was carrying a baby
*OH....and I forgot to mention the fact that I had on my Nike shocks...while everyone in the class had on hip hop jazz shoes. So not only am I late, but I'm also scuffing up the dance floor. By the time the class what over, you could see black skid marks everywhere! How embarrassing....*sigh* But shyt who knew...I've been doing hip hop for a while, and never had it even crossed my mind that my cute lil sneakers were not the lick! I mean, maybe it's the hood in me and the fact that I'm from Oakland, but I tell ya this, wasn't none of my friends running to the dance store to buy some fancy"hip hop jazz shoes" when we were gonna dance in the basket ball rally, or homecoming, or anything like that. So shoot me for not being prepared!
Needless to say, this experience was a reality check. Again, it reinforced the fact that I really need to get it together. I'm out of shape, and I know that my body will not always look the way it looks now so I need to take care of it. To avoid embarrassment, I'll be getting some dance shoes. Oh...and though I'm late to almost everything, I WILL be making it to dance class on time. These girls will NOT upstage me!..lol
Oh, and for the record, this experience has also inspired me to join a gym. I'm happy to announce that I just enrolled for a year membership to Peak Fitness. So if any of you reading this have a membership to this club, get at me so that we can be work out buddies. Lord knows I'm gonna need the motivation and support.
I'll be sure to fill you in on my 2nd dance class session. Hopefully it'll be better than the first.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
It's been a minute...
since I last wrote a blog. I wrote one at the begining of the month, so I guess it's fitting that I write another one at this month's closing. So I'll just close out the month of Feb with randomness
1) The more I make, the more I spend. *sigh*. I really need to make more AND save more. How else am I going to accomplish one of my goals of building up my savings if I can't stop spending. I have GOT to get it together.
2) I've had some really interesting conversations with people about relationships which has caused me to re-evaluate myself and what I really want in life. I went to a dinner party on Sunday, and the question of the night that was asked of everyone sitting at the table was "What did YOU do to f*ck* up your last relationship?" And though I thought this was an easy enough question to answer, I had a really hard time coming up with a reason that was not directly or indirectly pointing blame at my partner (this is not good). I know that I've been the cause problems in past relationships, but it's very hard for me to vocalize my faults. And until acknowlege my own faults and can clearly communicate these problems with the person that I am with,I will continue to make these mistakes again ansd again. hmmmmm.....
3) For some odd reason it feels like a lot of people that I know (myself included) have had some unfortunate things happen to them this month. Family members have passed, cars have been broken into, relationships have ended, folks have been faced with unexpected loss of employement, and money troubles seem to persist. And though one would assume that all these negative things would have consequential affects on my attitide and state of being, I have not let these things get me down. Through it all, I have remained happy & hopeful. Thank you Lord.
4) Its interesting to visit different places of worship. This past Sunday, a friend of mine invited me to his church. Myself and a few other friends took him up on his invitation and went to see what it was all about. I can honestly say that I have never felt more welcomed and valued as a visitor of a church until this past Sunday. Besides the fact that this was their international month(most of the congregation was African), in which they've been having presentations (songs, dance, plays, video viewings) representing different countries in Africa, which I found to be very entertaining and educational... the pastor seemed to be one of the niceest, most genuine men I've met to serve in this capacity. During service not only did the pastor acknowledge the visitors (as they do in most all churches), but they held a short meeting with the visitors shortly afterwards to express their sincere appreciation of our attendance. Later on that day, I recieved a call from one of the sisters of the church to again express how happy they were to have me there. It was AWESOME. I will visit again.
5) I bought two new dresses this week! And let me tell ya...they are Ka-YUTE! I love um. Ok, so one of them isn't that new...I got it from a thrift store in the area...but hey, it's new to me and thats all that counts! The other dress was purchased from one of my favorite stores. Where you ask? No not Macys, not BEBE, not GUESS, not Norstorm or any of those fancy store. I got it from ROSS! Like they say...ROSS, dress for less. And LESS it was! I only paid 15 bucks for it! Hooray for bargains!
6) I made many new friends over the past month, however, my relationship with others seems to have shifted. I don't know the exact reason for this change, but I guess we all have some things to discuss.
7) Having pets can be expensive. Lets see.....how much have a spent on this spoiled pooch of mine this month. Food($10) + Clothes($20) + Vetinary cost($126) + Grooming($43) + Pet Health insurance ($24/month) = TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY!
1) The more I make, the more I spend. *sigh*. I really need to make more AND save more. How else am I going to accomplish one of my goals of building up my savings if I can't stop spending. I have GOT to get it together.
2) I've had some really interesting conversations with people about relationships which has caused me to re-evaluate myself and what I really want in life. I went to a dinner party on Sunday, and the question of the night that was asked of everyone sitting at the table was "What did YOU do to f*ck* up your last relationship?" And though I thought this was an easy enough question to answer, I had a really hard time coming up with a reason that was not directly or indirectly pointing blame at my partner (this is not good). I know that I've been the cause problems in past relationships, but it's very hard for me to vocalize my faults. And until acknowlege my own faults and can clearly communicate these problems with the person that I am with,I will continue to make these mistakes again ansd again. hmmmmm.....
3) For some odd reason it feels like a lot of people that I know (myself included) have had some unfortunate things happen to them this month. Family members have passed, cars have been broken into, relationships have ended, folks have been faced with unexpected loss of employement, and money troubles seem to persist. And though one would assume that all these negative things would have consequential affects on my attitide and state of being, I have not let these things get me down. Through it all, I have remained happy & hopeful. Thank you Lord.
4) Its interesting to visit different places of worship. This past Sunday, a friend of mine invited me to his church. Myself and a few other friends took him up on his invitation and went to see what it was all about. I can honestly say that I have never felt more welcomed and valued as a visitor of a church until this past Sunday. Besides the fact that this was their international month(most of the congregation was African), in which they've been having presentations (songs, dance, plays, video viewings) representing different countries in Africa, which I found to be very entertaining and educational... the pastor seemed to be one of the niceest, most genuine men I've met to serve in this capacity. During service not only did the pastor acknowledge the visitors (as they do in most all churches), but they held a short meeting with the visitors shortly afterwards to express their sincere appreciation of our attendance. Later on that day, I recieved a call from one of the sisters of the church to again express how happy they were to have me there. It was AWESOME. I will visit again.
5) I bought two new dresses this week! And let me tell ya...they are Ka-YUTE! I love um. Ok, so one of them isn't that new...I got it from a thrift store in the area...but hey, it's new to me and thats all that counts! The other dress was purchased from one of my favorite stores. Where you ask? No not Macys, not BEBE, not GUESS, not Norstorm or any of those fancy store. I got it from ROSS! Like they say...ROSS, dress for less. And LESS it was! I only paid 15 bucks for it! Hooray for bargains!
6) I made many new friends over the past month, however, my relationship with others seems to have shifted. I don't know the exact reason for this change, but I guess we all have some things to discuss.
7) Having pets can be expensive. Lets see.....how much have a spent on this spoiled pooch of mine this month. Food($10) + Clothes($20) + Vetinary cost($126) + Grooming($43) + Pet Health insurance ($24/month) = TOO MUCH DAMN MONEY!
Monday, February 05, 2007
Extroverted Introvert?
This weekend I discovered something about myself. I discovered that my environment has a major affect on my attitude and how I act around different people. I mean, most people would say the same about themselves…they’d agree that they too are influenced by their setting, but for some reason, I hadn’t realized how big of an impact my environment has on me. Upon meeting me, most people would say that I’m an extrovert. I love meeting and talking to people, I love to have a good time, and you can always count on me to make sure that everyone else around me is having a great time as well. When I’m happy, I want other around me to be happy. When I’m sad, it still want others around me to be in positive spirits. But this weekend was different.
So I went to an event at church this weekend. The event was titled “Real Talk about Relationships” featuring dinner, entertainment, and discussion. Overall, I will have to say the event was really nice. The atmosphere was nice, and food was cool, and it was a great opportunity to meet and fellowship with other young believers in the church. Many of the faces I had seen before, but there were also other folks that I hadn’t recognized. As far as the discussion went, it was more of an open forum where they had a panel of married, engaged, and single individuals all speaking on their views on relationships and what influences God plays in their lives. And though I felt the panel did a good job answering questions that were asked of them, many of the responses were what I had expected. I expected people to say “Trust in God… he will provide you with the man that you pray for.” “If you want a real man, a leader….then you as a woman need to be able to follow…to submit.” But for some reason I was looking for something else. I was looking for more tangible responses. I wanted to hear something that I hadn’t heard before. But maybe what I really needed was reinforcement. Maybe I DID need to hear it again.
Anyway….I just realized that I went of on a huge tangent. My original reason for even mentioning the event is because I hardly said a thing that night. I listened attentively to what people had to share, but did not share any real thoughts of my own (though a lot was going on in my head given all that’s going on right now). That night I really withdrew myself from all that was going on around me. I’m still wondering if my behavior was the result of not really feeling like I’ve been as involved in church as I should be and not really knowing people, or maybe it was because of the topic of discussion. I don’t know what it was, but it was a strange feeling.
This weekend, I also attended a couple of Superbowl parties. (Yaaay for Black Coaches!!!) I ate a lot, talked to people who I hadn’t seen in a hot minute, watched the game, and commentated throughout the night. However, as opposed to the first party where I knew almost everyone, the second party was comprised of many people who I had never seen before. It felt like everyone there knew one another. And though there were a few people that I had seen at his events before, there weren’t many people that I actually knew. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I did as well actually. But it was weird…I felt a little shy. I didn’t go out of my way to introduce myself or mingle with the pre established cliques. I pretty much kept to myself, and observed the scene. O.K….so if you know anything about me, you know this is not typical of me. Me,,…SHY? Naw,… not me. I’m usually the hype woman (or so I thought). But not this weekend. This weekend I found myself being very introverted, a bit timid and reserved. So now I'm left to wonder, am I really an extrovert? I mean… I love to party, go out, meet new people, speak in front of crowds and all that good “extroverted” stuff. OR and I an introvert? I would have never labeled myself as one, but maybe deep down I really am. Maybe I use my extroverted character to mask my insecurities and introverted self. Hmmmm……(a person can be both right?)
So I went to an event at church this weekend. The event was titled “Real Talk about Relationships” featuring dinner, entertainment, and discussion. Overall, I will have to say the event was really nice. The atmosphere was nice, and food was cool, and it was a great opportunity to meet and fellowship with other young believers in the church. Many of the faces I had seen before, but there were also other folks that I hadn’t recognized. As far as the discussion went, it was more of an open forum where they had a panel of married, engaged, and single individuals all speaking on their views on relationships and what influences God plays in their lives. And though I felt the panel did a good job answering questions that were asked of them, many of the responses were what I had expected. I expected people to say “Trust in God… he will provide you with the man that you pray for.” “If you want a real man, a leader….then you as a woman need to be able to follow…to submit.” But for some reason I was looking for something else. I was looking for more tangible responses. I wanted to hear something that I hadn’t heard before. But maybe what I really needed was reinforcement. Maybe I DID need to hear it again.
Anyway….I just realized that I went of on a huge tangent. My original reason for even mentioning the event is because I hardly said a thing that night. I listened attentively to what people had to share, but did not share any real thoughts of my own (though a lot was going on in my head given all that’s going on right now). That night I really withdrew myself from all that was going on around me. I’m still wondering if my behavior was the result of not really feeling like I’ve been as involved in church as I should be and not really knowing people, or maybe it was because of the topic of discussion. I don’t know what it was, but it was a strange feeling.
This weekend, I also attended a couple of Superbowl parties. (Yaaay for Black Coaches!!!) I ate a lot, talked to people who I hadn’t seen in a hot minute, watched the game, and commentated throughout the night. However, as opposed to the first party where I knew almost everyone, the second party was comprised of many people who I had never seen before. It felt like everyone there knew one another. And though there were a few people that I had seen at his events before, there weren’t many people that I actually knew. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I did as well actually. But it was weird…I felt a little shy. I didn’t go out of my way to introduce myself or mingle with the pre established cliques. I pretty much kept to myself, and observed the scene. O.K….so if you know anything about me, you know this is not typical of me. Me,,…SHY? Naw,… not me. I’m usually the hype woman (or so I thought). But not this weekend. This weekend I found myself being very introverted, a bit timid and reserved. So now I'm left to wonder, am I really an extrovert? I mean… I love to party, go out, meet new people, speak in front of crowds and all that good “extroverted” stuff. OR and I an introvert? I would have never labeled myself as one, but maybe deep down I really am. Maybe I use my extroverted character to mask my insecurities and introverted self. Hmmmm……(a person can be both right?)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Parents, Toilets & Gmail
Randomness
Parents need to parentI was listening to the radio today, and they were talking about how cold it is, (low 30’s upper 20’s) and how there are some parents that allow their children to go to school without a jacket on. (Mind you, its cold as shyt out here!). A woman called in to the station saying that no matter what she does, no matter how many times she tries to tell her daughter to put on her coat, her daughter refuses to keep it on. So much so that it’s gotten to the point that she doesn’t even ask her daughter to put on her coat anymore. O.K….so here’s the kicker. She daughter is 4 years old! 4 freak’n years old!!! How does a mother let her 4-year-old child go outside into this bone chilling weather without a coat on. I don’t care how resistant a child is, a parent needs to parent. I’d be damn if my child tries to tell me NO, I’m not gonna (fill in the blank with whatever you want). It is NOT going down. I especially won’t be arguing with my 4-year-old child. But hey…that’s just me.
Automatic Toilet FlushersI think these automatic flusher thingies are the best things ever invented. Nothing is worse than having to use some extra tissue to push down on the handle to flush the toilet. Or better yet, having to hike up your skirt so that you can use your foot to flush, because God forbid you actually touch that feces contaminated handle. Ewwwww. Anyway, so now they have all these sensor operated toilets that automatically flush when you’re done which is GREAT…until you have episodes when the toilet starts flushing before you’ve completed your business, and you begin to feel the nasty toilet water splashing up on you. Ewwwwww. Thats just Gross!...lol Oh, and how bout the times when the darn thing won’t flush. Now that’s the WORSE! You’re sitting there waving your hand in front of the little red sensor light, hoping that the silly thing will detect that you’re done and ready to leave the doggone stall. Am I the only person this happens to? I know it can’t be just me.
Gmail and Google talkAre GRRRRRREAT! It’s been my saving grace all day. I was a little resistant about signing up for it at first, but I’ve really come to appreciate it. If you haven’t already started an account, you should prolly look into it. It might make your communication a bit easier.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Fire update
So I talked to my sister today. She's been the one providing me with continuous updates on the status of my parent's house and family living situation. I don't know how they're doing it. Living in a hotel is fun when you're on vacation....but damn, having to stay there as a primary place of residence is NOT the bizness.
What was once a 1 month estimated time of displacement, has now dragged out to at least 3 moths. That's 3 months of not being able to sleep in their own beds, three months not being able to cook their own meals, three months of running to and from the house to get things that they need for day to day living, three months of not being able to live in the house they call their home.
So these are pics of what's left of the upstairs of my parent's house...
(my bedroom 1)
(my bedroom 2)
(my sister's room)
Upstairs has been stripped down to its bare bones. Construction is underway, and with time our home will be livable again. I have to admit...it will be weird to go back to a room that looks totally different than what I remembered. No longer will I have all those crazy mirrors on my wall and ceiling (yes I said ceiling..lol), no longer will my walls be lined with floral pink and green wall papering. I now have to rely on photographs taken before the fire to retain images of what my room once was. But hey, today is a new day. I'm trying to stay optimistic. Many new memories will be formed in our renovated house. But right now I can't help but to hold on to images of the past.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Dear Daddy,
WOW! I'm at a loss for words. Nothing could have prepared me for those pictures. It's one thing to hear about the fire and the damage it caused to the house, it's another thing to see actual images of it.
I thank God that no one was seriously hurt. And as you said in your e-mail to me...material things can be replaced, but we must be thankful to Him that lives were spared. I still am in a state of shock about the entire incident. Why did this have to happen to us? Why did it have to happen now? The new year has just begun, and I was hoping for great things. But I was NOT expecting this. I wish there was something that I could do from here, but all I can do now is pray. When I first got the call at 8am, I knew the news couldn't be good. Why would anyone in my family call me at 5am (CA time) if not to deliver bad news. When Rae told me that our house caught on fire....I was in a state of disbelief. I said "WHAT!, what did you say?" as if I hadn't heard her clearly. She repeated, "Our house caught on fire". I sat there frozen with my mouth wide open. This is crazy. This must be some kind of joke I thought. But unfortunately, this was real. The fire was real. The heat was real. The destruction was real.
My first instinct was to want to come home, but I realized that given the situation, I would become more of a burden than help. I wanted to be there with you. I wanted you to know that I was willing to do any and everything you needed me to do to make the situation better. But my distance from home limits my physical capabilities. Daddy, please know that I am praying for our family. Praying that God will give us the strength to get through this troubling time. Praying that He will continue to bless us, and provide us with all that we need to move on with our lives. This situation is only temporary. This inconvenience is only temporary. Trust that we will get through this. I pray...
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I thank God that no one was seriously hurt. And as you said in your e-mail to me...material things can be replaced, but we must be thankful to Him that lives were spared. I still am in a state of shock about the entire incident. Why did this have to happen to us? Why did it have to happen now? The new year has just begun, and I was hoping for great things. But I was NOT expecting this. I wish there was something that I could do from here, but all I can do now is pray. When I first got the call at 8am, I knew the news couldn't be good. Why would anyone in my family call me at 5am (CA time) if not to deliver bad news. When Rae told me that our house caught on fire....I was in a state of disbelief. I said "WHAT!, what did you say?" as if I hadn't heard her clearly. She repeated, "Our house caught on fire". I sat there frozen with my mouth wide open. This is crazy. This must be some kind of joke I thought. But unfortunately, this was real. The fire was real. The heat was real. The destruction was real.
My first instinct was to want to come home, but I realized that given the situation, I would become more of a burden than help. I wanted to be there with you. I wanted you to know that I was willing to do any and everything you needed me to do to make the situation better. But my distance from home limits my physical capabilities. Daddy, please know that I am praying for our family. Praying that God will give us the strength to get through this troubling time. Praying that He will continue to bless us, and provide us with all that we need to move on with our lives. This situation is only temporary. This inconvenience is only temporary. Trust that we will get through this. I pray...
Your Loving Daughter,
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
New Year...New Plans (no resoultions)
Say NO to New Years resolutions!.lol...Believe me, I'm not being a pessimist. I'm all about supporting those who want to start the new year off right and make positive changes in their lives. But it seems as though every time I hear someone say they've made a new years resolution, its as if their magnificent resolution is doomed to fail.
Take for example...those people whoes new years resolution is to become more physically active and lose weight. (yeah right...who are they fooling) Like I said...I'm all for making positive changes, but at least if you say you're gonna do something...try to follow through on your word. The gym is super packed at the beginning of the year. All the ladies and gents are running on the treadmill, lifting weights, doing 50 million crunches... tryna 'get it right get it tight' for the new year. But as many of you have noticed, the number of bodies in the gym tend to decrease as the progresses.
Anyway, like I said...I've decided not to make any "New Years Resolutions" this year. Rather, I'm going to work on a few things that I've been talking about for a while. So, here are the changes that I plan to make this year:
1) DANCE DANCE DANCE! As in, join a dance class. Ideally, I'd like to join dance company, but I don't know if I have the time to make such a commitment. If anyone knows of some good (African/ Hip Hop/ Modern) dance classes in the area, please let me know. Cuz like everyone else...I'm tryna "get it right, get it tight" too!
2) Become more ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN MY COMMUNITY! I feel a tremendous void in my life. As a person of color who has been afforded many opportunities in my life, I think it's about time that I return the favor. I see kids all the time with no direction, no support, no guidance, and little hope for the future. I can no longer sit and watch as children waste their lives getting caught up in all the 'wrong' things. As an African American woman, a woman that cares about people, that cares about my community, it is my responsibility to extend my hand and provide resources to those without. With this said, I've completed a couple of applications for mentoring programs in the triangle area. One of which was an application for the "Big brothers Big sisters" program. However, I've been debating whether I should try to volunteer my time with children in this organization, or another local organization that isn't was well known, and may lack resources. It is my feeling that my reach can go a lot further within a smaller local organization. What do you think? If you know of any organizations in the area that work with youth (especially delinquent youth), and are in need of volunteers, please let me know. I have been blessed, and it's time that I give back.
3) Watch some MOVIES! I know this is nothing as profound as change #2, but I'm sick and tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. O.K....so I haven't seen many movies, BIG FREAK'n DEAL...lol, but I think it's about time that I 'get with it'...even if it's only a little bit. People are constantly making references to movies, actors, and actresses, and I NEVER know who and what they're talking about. So, for the new year...I've decided to subscibe to Netflix. Please shoot me some ideas of some 'must sees'.. I've already watched about 4 movies through my subscription (which is probably more than I watched in 2006). I've got popcorn, I've got movies, I've got comfortable seating, so let the movie nights begin!
Take for example...those people whoes new years resolution is to become more physically active and lose weight. (yeah right...who are they fooling) Like I said...I'm all for making positive changes, but at least if you say you're gonna do something...try to follow through on your word. The gym is super packed at the beginning of the year. All the ladies and gents are running on the treadmill, lifting weights, doing 50 million crunches... tryna 'get it right get it tight' for the new year. But as many of you have noticed, the number of bodies in the gym tend to decrease as the progresses.
Anyway, like I said...I've decided not to make any "New Years Resolutions" this year. Rather, I'm going to work on a few things that I've been talking about for a while. So, here are the changes that I plan to make this year:
1) DANCE DANCE DANCE! As in, join a dance class. Ideally, I'd like to join dance company, but I don't know if I have the time to make such a commitment. If anyone knows of some good (African/ Hip Hop/ Modern) dance classes in the area, please let me know. Cuz like everyone else...I'm tryna "get it right, get it tight" too!
2) Become more ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN MY COMMUNITY! I feel a tremendous void in my life. As a person of color who has been afforded many opportunities in my life, I think it's about time that I return the favor. I see kids all the time with no direction, no support, no guidance, and little hope for the future. I can no longer sit and watch as children waste their lives getting caught up in all the 'wrong' things. As an African American woman, a woman that cares about people, that cares about my community, it is my responsibility to extend my hand and provide resources to those without. With this said, I've completed a couple of applications for mentoring programs in the triangle area. One of which was an application for the "Big brothers Big sisters" program. However, I've been debating whether I should try to volunteer my time with children in this organization, or another local organization that isn't was well known, and may lack resources. It is my feeling that my reach can go a lot further within a smaller local organization. What do you think? If you know of any organizations in the area that work with youth (especially delinquent youth), and are in need of volunteers, please let me know. I have been blessed, and it's time that I give back.
3) Watch some MOVIES! I know this is nothing as profound as change #2, but I'm sick and tired of being the butt of everyone's jokes. O.K....so I haven't seen many movies, BIG FREAK'n DEAL...lol, but I think it's about time that I 'get with it'...even if it's only a little bit. People are constantly making references to movies, actors, and actresses, and I NEVER know who and what they're talking about. So, for the new year...I've decided to subscibe to Netflix. Please shoot me some ideas of some 'must sees'.. I've already watched about 4 movies through my subscription (which is probably more than I watched in 2006). I've got popcorn, I've got movies, I've got comfortable seating, so let the movie nights begin!
Holiday Party 2006!!! (late post)
There girls and I have been hosting holiday parties for the part few years. Being that many of us have moved to other states since graduating from high school, this has been our one opportunity to spend time together and try to catch up with folks that we hadn't seen in a while. Usually, we have the party at someone's house, but last year we decided to change it up a bit and move it to a more public location. There was a new lounge that had just opened up in Downtown Oakland called the "Air Lounge," and we thought it'd be a good idea to explore this venue. To make a long story short, our Holiday Party of 2005 that was thrown at the Air Lounge was fun fun fun! The ambiance was nice, there was a good turn out of people, and folks seemed to have had a good time. But nothing could prepare us for the party we hosted this year (or shall I say last year).
The girls and I were talking on IM one day when someone in the group came up with the bright idea of going with a color scheme. No, I'm all for colors. I LOVE colors, but Lord....why did someone have to pick the most difficult color to find this season. The color theme for our holiday party was purple. So here I am on the search for a purple dress, shirt, skirt, something. I've visited every mall in the triangle area (literally) and i couldn't seem to find one decent purple item suitable for this here holiday party. I mean, I guess I could bought a random little purple top, but you have to understand that this was OUR holiday party, and I am NOT trying to be outdone. At least not by our guest.
Needless to say, it took me and my trusty friend Monica driving 2 hours away (Charlotte) to finally find something I could wear to the party. O.K. so lets fast forward to the fiesta .........................................................................................................
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The party was off da chain! (if I do say so myself) There were tons of people. Folks were there that I hadn't seen in years. Most looked GREAT...but others....ehhhhhh. (My mother always said...If you don't have anything nice to say...don't say it at all)....Actually, I doubt that MY mother ever said this. But you know what I mean. We all had an amazing time. The music was good, the drinks were dee-lish, and the ambiance was just right!
Woo Hoo to throwing a successful paaartay!
Until next year folks....
The girls and I were talking on IM one day when someone in the group came up with the bright idea of going with a color scheme. No, I'm all for colors. I LOVE colors, but Lord....why did someone have to pick the most difficult color to find this season. The color theme for our holiday party was purple. So here I am on the search for a purple dress, shirt, skirt, something. I've visited every mall in the triangle area (literally) and i couldn't seem to find one decent purple item suitable for this here holiday party. I mean, I guess I could bought a random little purple top, but you have to understand that this was OUR holiday party, and I am NOT trying to be outdone. At least not by our guest.
Needless to say, it took me and my trusty friend Monica driving 2 hours away (Charlotte) to finally find something I could wear to the party. O.K. so lets fast forward to the fiesta .........................................................................................................
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The party was off da chain! (if I do say so myself) There were tons of people. Folks were there that I hadn't seen in years. Most looked GREAT...but others....ehhhhhh. (My mother always said...If you don't have anything nice to say...don't say it at all)....Actually, I doubt that MY mother ever said this. But you know what I mean. We all had an amazing time. The music was good, the drinks were dee-lish, and the ambiance was just right!
Woo Hoo to throwing a successful paaartay!
Until next year folks....
Home Sweet Home (late post)
Boy oh boy did it feel good to be home. I mean...literally, when I stepped off of the plane my heart felt full of life, joy, and anticipation with the thought of seeing familiar faces again. I hadn't been home is quite some time, so this opportunity to see friends and family members was loooooong overdue. As we pulled up to the house, it felt a sense of comfort. Though I like my place here in NC, Oakland is where my home and heart is. I know many people say this about their family, but I honestly believe I have a family like no other. The bond we share is unbreakable, one that has been tried and tested, but remains unscathed. Time with my family is always great. We joke around and laugh continuously. There’s never a dull moment in our house (ask anybody). But sometimes it amazes me how we don’t drive each other crazy. Soooo…my sister and I are laying in my bed talking about God knows what….and my mother comes to my room and proceeds to squeeze her thick behind in the middle of us. Ok…so at this point my face is practically plastered onto the wall because having three grown ass women try to lay comfortably on a full size bed is NOT the business. But even during my physical discomfort, I was happy. Happy to know that my mother was there. Happy to know that she wanted to hang out with her daughters, Happy to know that she missed me. Happy to know that even though my freak’n cheek was against the wall, I still had energy to laugh at her silliness. I missed home. I miss home a lot. *sigh*
Back at it again
It feels like it’s been so long since I’ve last written a blog that I don’t even know where to begin. So much has happened since my posting on Dec. 14th 2006, which I guess is part of the reason why I have hesitated to even write anything. It would have been ideal if I had written down my feelings, experiences and reactions to recent events immediately after they happened. But obviously I failed to do that, and because of this, I feel like my distant recap will not do my experiences justice. I’ve had high highs and low lows over the past couple weeks, and I have learned a lot about myself and those I hold dear to my heart. Life is about making choice, sharing new experiences, and learning along the way. Life is a continuous journey. A journey in which I constantly wonder about and pray that He will provide me with the strength to face each situation as it comes.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Mentally Exhausted
I love my job. I love what I'm doing. I love the people I'm working with. I've been fortunate to meet some pretty interesting folks. But this week has just been exhausting! So, I'm working on a clinical research study designed to examine the way in which physicians communicate preventive health messages to their patients in annual and chronic care visits, and this is the first week that we have been actually working out in the field. I've had quite a few interesting interactions with both physicians and patients, but I have to admit that having to deal with so many different people with varying personalities has been exhausting. I feel like my mind has been going 100 miles per hour, and by the time I get home I just wanna pass the f*ck out. But b/c I spend so much of my day going in and out of the clinic, I don't get the opportunity to call patients. Which then means that I have to put in a few work hours in the evening. Ahhhhh...I'm sooo tired right now. I just want to stay at home and do absolutely NOTHING for a while.
When I was younger I never understood why my mother would be so tired after she got off of work. I mean...she spent most of her day sitting down, how tiring could that be? But now I understand.....completely
Oh...and on top of the fact that I've been working like a mad woman, I haven't had the opportunity/energy to go grocery shopping or cook (real) meals. As such, my frig is looking quite bare. Which is pretty bad for me seeing as how I keep food in the house as if I have a family of four to feed. Due to the lack of available liquids (ie...bottled water, juice, punch, milk, ice tea...anything) I've been forced to drink smirnoff ice's for the past couple of days to quinch my thirst. Hey...its better than taquilla.
When I was younger I never understood why my mother would be so tired after she got off of work. I mean...she spent most of her day sitting down, how tiring could that be? But now I understand.....completely
Oh...and on top of the fact that I've been working like a mad woman, I haven't had the opportunity/energy to go grocery shopping or cook (real) meals. As such, my frig is looking quite bare. Which is pretty bad for me seeing as how I keep food in the house as if I have a family of four to feed. Due to the lack of available liquids (ie...bottled water, juice, punch, milk, ice tea...anything) I've been forced to drink smirnoff ice's for the past couple of days to quinch my thirst. Hey...its better than taquilla.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I'm holding on to Cali
Soooo...
I've been living out here in NC for a little over two years now, and I still have my CA drivers license. I know I was suppose to turn it in to get a NC licence 30 days after moving out here. But that 30 day window has come and gone. Though I know that I need a new license, I can't seem to bring myself to let go of my Cali Ls. I'm probably not going to be moving back to the west coast any time soon, but I don't want to give it up. I mean...what if I do decide to move back. Then I'll have to go through the trouble of getting a new one re-issued. I guess part of the reason why I'm still holding on to this license is because it has the picture that I took on my 16th birthday. YUP....same old ancient picture. And though I look NOTHING like I did 9 years ago.... that was a significant time of my life. I guess I'm still holding on to the memories.
Just as I'm holding on to my CA license, I'm still holding on tight to my Oakland cell phone number. I've lived in Los Angeles, and NC, and never once have I even entertained the thought of changing my cell phone number. Part of the reason is because I've had this same number ever since I've owned a cell phone (over 8 years) and I don't want to go through the hassle of calling people to update them with my new number, but the other part of the reason is because I don't want to let go of my link to Oakland. I feel like giving up my number is like giving up a part of me. I simply can't do it.
Am I really THAT attached? I mean, you would think that over time I would have let some of my ties go, but it seems like the farther I move from Oakland, the more I feel the need to stay connected. I will never stop LUV'n CALI!
I've been living out here in NC for a little over two years now, and I still have my CA drivers license. I know I was suppose to turn it in to get a NC licence 30 days after moving out here. But that 30 day window has come and gone. Though I know that I need a new license, I can't seem to bring myself to let go of my Cali Ls. I'm probably not going to be moving back to the west coast any time soon, but I don't want to give it up. I mean...what if I do decide to move back. Then I'll have to go through the trouble of getting a new one re-issued. I guess part of the reason why I'm still holding on to this license is because it has the picture that I took on my 16th birthday. YUP....same old ancient picture. And though I look NOTHING like I did 9 years ago.... that was a significant time of my life. I guess I'm still holding on to the memories.
Just as I'm holding on to my CA license, I'm still holding on tight to my Oakland cell phone number. I've lived in Los Angeles, and NC, and never once have I even entertained the thought of changing my cell phone number. Part of the reason is because I've had this same number ever since I've owned a cell phone (over 8 years) and I don't want to go through the hassle of calling people to update them with my new number, but the other part of the reason is because I don't want to let go of my link to Oakland. I feel like giving up my number is like giving up a part of me. I simply can't do it.
Am I really THAT attached? I mean, you would think that over time I would have let some of my ties go, but it seems like the farther I move from Oakland, the more I feel the need to stay connected. I will never stop LUV'n CALI!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Randomness of my day
Random #1: Why must he dig for gold?
As I was driving to work this morning, I turn to look out of my passenger side window so that I could change lanes....only to be distracted by a old man dig'n all up in his nose. Like aaaaaaaallllll up in it. It was so DISGUSTING! The trip thing about it was...the nose picker and I actually made eye contact, and he didn't even have the audacity to stop. I tell you about people these days. They don't give a flying f*ck who sees them. What is it with people in their cars and nose picking. The two seem to go hand in hand. I've witnessed this scene many a times as I'm driving down the street. Do people think that their car shields them from the rest of the world? Yes, you may be in the car by yourself, BUT your car is NOT as "private" as you may think. I mean... COME ON NOW PEOPLE!....the freak'n window is TRANSPARENT!!!
Random #2: Went in for one shot came out with three
As part of employee clearance for my position, my immunizations have to be up do date. So I schedule an appointment to have a TB skin test taken (since I recieved an e-mail notifying me that I needed the test done). They told me to bring in a copy of my immunization records as proof of previous vaccinations. Unfortunate for me, I only had a copy of the records that my father faxed me from Cali in 2004, which meant that I didn't have any proof that I had recently been vaccinated at UNC (which was one of the requirements for Public Health graduate program). Being that I was too lazy to go through the process of getting my records faxed over from UNC to Duke, I opted to go on ahead and get the additional vaccines done since I was already at the hostipal. SO, to make a long story short, instead of just having a TB skin test done, I left having recieved a shot for the TB skin test, a measle, mumps, rubella shot, a tetnus shot, and a really sore left arm.
Random #3: Surpriiiiiise!!!!! We're testing you for drugs!!!!
Yes, you read that right. As I was leaving the nurse's office with my sore arm, she directed me to the waiting area and told me to have a seat and wait for someone to call me in for my drug test............HUH?!? Drug test? What did she mean drug test? I didn't make an appointment for that. I made an appointent to get a TB skin test, not a drug test. It was bad enough...I had just walked out of the office with a murdered arm. So I sat in the waiting area trying to play it cool. I mean...I had nothin to worry about (nervously biting finger nails). After about 20 minutes, I get called in to the office. I quickly take the alcohol test which merely involved placing a plastic strip in my mouth and covering it with saliva. Then, the nurse began explaining the drug screening process. Ok, so at this point I start feeling moisture under my arms. Why am I so nervous? Like I said, I had nothin to worry about. Maybe the fact that this was a COMPLETE SURPRISE had something to do with it. The nurse handed me the "pee cup" and instructs me on how to fill it up. Problem was.....I didn't have to pee. Like most people, I used the restroom when I first woke up, and seeing as how this was only 8:30 in the morning, I had no more liquid to drain. So...I run over to the water fountain and begin downing water. 4 cups of H2O to be exact. I kept drinking until I felt an urge, at which time I filled the "pee cup", waited for my instant result, and walked out of the nurses office with my negative results in hand. Needless to say, I've been peeing all day.
Random # 4: Why does this always happen to ME?!?
I went to Target to buy laundry detergent and stopped over in the produce section. Some of you may know my story ofthe Cereal display in the Food Lion grocery store that came tumbling down when I tried to turn the corner with my cart. And though today's situation wasn't as dramatic, it seemed like everything I touched seemed to trigger neigboring objects to come tumbling down. What fell this time? Ohhhh....the tangerines, the bell peppers, the jalepeno papers, a couple pairs of shoes, and some doggie sweaters. Sigh...this always happens to me.
Random #5: Its feezing out here...
So why the hell do you have on shorts and have the nerve to wear a jacket?....like having that extra layer up top is gonna keep you warm now. Today I had on a knit top, slacks, closed toe shoes, and a long heavy wool coat in a effort to combat the chilly weather. It was so cold that i couldn't bare to have my hands outside of my pocket outta fear that they might fall off. So I'm talking to someone on the phone, complaining about the temperature, and here comes this dude in his shorts and jacket. I didnt even have any words. I just shook my head and kept on with my conversation. I'm sure the guy's mother wouldn't be to happy with him right now.
As I was driving to work this morning, I turn to look out of my passenger side window so that I could change lanes....only to be distracted by a old man dig'n all up in his nose. Like aaaaaaaallllll up in it. It was so DISGUSTING! The trip thing about it was...the nose picker and I actually made eye contact, and he didn't even have the audacity to stop. I tell you about people these days. They don't give a flying f*ck who sees them. What is it with people in their cars and nose picking. The two seem to go hand in hand. I've witnessed this scene many a times as I'm driving down the street. Do people think that their car shields them from the rest of the world? Yes, you may be in the car by yourself, BUT your car is NOT as "private" as you may think. I mean... COME ON NOW PEOPLE!....the freak'n window is TRANSPARENT!!!
Random #2: Went in for one shot came out with three
As part of employee clearance for my position, my immunizations have to be up do date. So I schedule an appointment to have a TB skin test taken (since I recieved an e-mail notifying me that I needed the test done). They told me to bring in a copy of my immunization records as proof of previous vaccinations. Unfortunate for me, I only had a copy of the records that my father faxed me from Cali in 2004, which meant that I didn't have any proof that I had recently been vaccinated at UNC (which was one of the requirements for Public Health graduate program). Being that I was too lazy to go through the process of getting my records faxed over from UNC to Duke, I opted to go on ahead and get the additional vaccines done since I was already at the hostipal. SO, to make a long story short, instead of just having a TB skin test done, I left having recieved a shot for the TB skin test, a measle, mumps, rubella shot, a tetnus shot, and a really sore left arm.
Random #3: Surpriiiiiise!!!!! We're testing you for drugs!!!!
Yes, you read that right. As I was leaving the nurse's office with my sore arm, she directed me to the waiting area and told me to have a seat and wait for someone to call me in for my drug test............HUH?!? Drug test? What did she mean drug test? I didn't make an appointment for that. I made an appointent to get a TB skin test, not a drug test. It was bad enough...I had just walked out of the office with a murdered arm. So I sat in the waiting area trying to play it cool. I mean...I had nothin to worry about (nervously biting finger nails). After about 20 minutes, I get called in to the office. I quickly take the alcohol test which merely involved placing a plastic strip in my mouth and covering it with saliva. Then, the nurse began explaining the drug screening process. Ok, so at this point I start feeling moisture under my arms. Why am I so nervous? Like I said, I had nothin to worry about. Maybe the fact that this was a COMPLETE SURPRISE had something to do with it. The nurse handed me the "pee cup" and instructs me on how to fill it up. Problem was.....I didn't have to pee. Like most people, I used the restroom when I first woke up, and seeing as how this was only 8:30 in the morning, I had no more liquid to drain. So...I run over to the water fountain and begin downing water. 4 cups of H2O to be exact. I kept drinking until I felt an urge, at which time I filled the "pee cup", waited for my instant result, and walked out of the nurses office with my negative results in hand. Needless to say, I've been peeing all day.
Random # 4: Why does this always happen to ME?!?
I went to Target to buy laundry detergent and stopped over in the produce section. Some of you may know my story ofthe Cereal display in the Food Lion grocery store that came tumbling down when I tried to turn the corner with my cart. And though today's situation wasn't as dramatic, it seemed like everything I touched seemed to trigger neigboring objects to come tumbling down. What fell this time? Ohhhh....the tangerines, the bell peppers, the jalepeno papers, a couple pairs of shoes, and some doggie sweaters. Sigh...this always happens to me.
Random #5: Its feezing out here...
So why the hell do you have on shorts and have the nerve to wear a jacket?....like having that extra layer up top is gonna keep you warm now. Today I had on a knit top, slacks, closed toe shoes, and a long heavy wool coat in a effort to combat the chilly weather. It was so cold that i couldn't bare to have my hands outside of my pocket outta fear that they might fall off. So I'm talking to someone on the phone, complaining about the temperature, and here comes this dude in his shorts and jacket. I didnt even have any words. I just shook my head and kept on with my conversation. I'm sure the guy's mother wouldn't be to happy with him right now.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Funny how things change over time
It was long overdue. I had some time on my hands, so I did what I do best and I spent a good deal of time reflecting. I thought back on how my life had been when I first moved out here to NC....
When I first moved out here for gradschool I knew no one. Not one single person. I had no friends, no family, no nothin. It was just me.... surrounded by trees....HELLLLLLA trees. I was anxious to start a new chapter of my life. I'd be learning new things, meeting new poeple, sharing new experiences, and becoming a more independent person....or so I thought. However, when I finally made the move 3,000 miles away from the only people that I love and trusted, the only people that knew and accepted me, I realized that the transition wasn't going to be as easy as I had once anticipated.
School started off a bit rocky. It wasn't that the classes were too difficut for me (don't get me wrong, the program was intense and challenging as all get out), but I had a hard time making the adjustment into gradschool because I was so unhappy with my life here. I spent many days crying on the phone, wondering what the hell I was thinking when I decided to move out here. Out of all the schools I had been accepted to, why did I choose to come to North Carolina. I felt very alone and vulnerable. I'm a grown ass woman, why am I crying to much? People make moves all the time....right? "Alright, lemme try to make the best of it, it's only two years....two years, I'm sure it'll go by sooner than I expect" is what I tried to tell myself. So I met some people in my program who I'd hang out with from time to time. We'd do the whole bar thing, hang out at someone's house party, do random lil things in what Chapel Hill had to offer, but I never really thought of them as my real friends. I wanted to be with MY friends. My friends that knew and accepted the real me, the happy, the silly, the clueless me. I felt so alone out here. At times I'd even sit and think about who would actually call or come to check up on me in the event that something should happen to me out here. Like I said, I talked to my folks back at home all the time, but what could they really do from way across the country? Who would know if I was in trouble, lost, or needed help? It was just me all by myself.
That was a little over 2 years ago. The tears no longer flow uncontrollably. I no longer feel alone. And though it took me a while to reach this point, I can honestly say that I am happy where I am. I've come to realize that there are people who care about me out here in NC. Like truely care about me and my well being. This is not something I would have said a year and a half ago...or shall I say, would have actually believed. I mean, I've known that there were people that I could call on when I needed a random favor here and there, but I never really felt like I had people out here looking out for me.
But this weekend, I realized that situations had changed.
As of late I've been keeping pretty much to myself. Except for the daily conversations with my boyfriend, girlfriends from Cali, and close friend out here, I haven't really been in communication with many folks. Actually, I've been kinda ghost. Sometimes I get into these weird moods where I'd rather be by myself. I'd rather stay indoors. I'd rather listen to music and let and let my mind wander off into space. Sometimes I just need time for ME. Well... given the fact that I've been in a pretty reclusive mood and haven't been my usual "social" self, a few people that I'm pretty close to out here have taken notice, and have reached out to me via phone calls, texts, e-mail etc. And though I had no intensions of worrying them (especially given the fact that nothing is going on), it was comforting to know that I have people out here who care, and are concerned enough to check up on me when they notice that something doesn't seem right.
It's funny how things change over time. But today I can say that I am thankful to have such wonderful, caring people in my life.......on both coasts.
When I first moved out here for gradschool I knew no one. Not one single person. I had no friends, no family, no nothin. It was just me.... surrounded by trees....HELLLLLLA trees. I was anxious to start a new chapter of my life. I'd be learning new things, meeting new poeple, sharing new experiences, and becoming a more independent person....or so I thought. However, when I finally made the move 3,000 miles away from the only people that I love and trusted, the only people that knew and accepted me, I realized that the transition wasn't going to be as easy as I had once anticipated.
School started off a bit rocky. It wasn't that the classes were too difficut for me (don't get me wrong, the program was intense and challenging as all get out), but I had a hard time making the adjustment into gradschool because I was so unhappy with my life here. I spent many days crying on the phone, wondering what the hell I was thinking when I decided to move out here. Out of all the schools I had been accepted to, why did I choose to come to North Carolina. I felt very alone and vulnerable. I'm a grown ass woman, why am I crying to much? People make moves all the time....right? "Alright, lemme try to make the best of it, it's only two years....two years, I'm sure it'll go by sooner than I expect" is what I tried to tell myself. So I met some people in my program who I'd hang out with from time to time. We'd do the whole bar thing, hang out at someone's house party, do random lil things in what Chapel Hill had to offer, but I never really thought of them as my real friends. I wanted to be with MY friends. My friends that knew and accepted the real me, the happy, the silly, the clueless me. I felt so alone out here. At times I'd even sit and think about who would actually call or come to check up on me in the event that something should happen to me out here. Like I said, I talked to my folks back at home all the time, but what could they really do from way across the country? Who would know if I was in trouble, lost, or needed help? It was just me all by myself.
That was a little over 2 years ago. The tears no longer flow uncontrollably. I no longer feel alone. And though it took me a while to reach this point, I can honestly say that I am happy where I am. I've come to realize that there are people who care about me out here in NC. Like truely care about me and my well being. This is not something I would have said a year and a half ago...or shall I say, would have actually believed. I mean, I've known that there were people that I could call on when I needed a random favor here and there, but I never really felt like I had people out here looking out for me.
But this weekend, I realized that situations had changed.
As of late I've been keeping pretty much to myself. Except for the daily conversations with my boyfriend, girlfriends from Cali, and close friend out here, I haven't really been in communication with many folks. Actually, I've been kinda ghost. Sometimes I get into these weird moods where I'd rather be by myself. I'd rather stay indoors. I'd rather listen to music and let and let my mind wander off into space. Sometimes I just need time for ME. Well... given the fact that I've been in a pretty reclusive mood and haven't been my usual "social" self, a few people that I'm pretty close to out here have taken notice, and have reached out to me via phone calls, texts, e-mail etc. And though I had no intensions of worrying them (especially given the fact that nothing is going on), it was comforting to know that I have people out here who care, and are concerned enough to check up on me when they notice that something doesn't seem right.
It's funny how things change over time. But today I can say that I am thankful to have such wonderful, caring people in my life.......on both coasts.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Tis the season
Christmas is near!!! Christmas is near!!! Hooray! Its only a couple of days after Thanksgiving and everyone is going crazy over CHRISTMAS. As much as I had not planned on getting caught up in the hype, I couldn't resist the temptation to put on my good shoes to go out and join the masses. Unfortunately for me, I actually had to work on Friday. Who the heck has to work the day after Thanksgiving! It SUCKED! I swear, I was literally the only person that came in to work in my department. Unlike all the other smart cookies of the bunch, I didn't opt to take the day off, so I had to come into the office and put in a few good hours. It was o.k. though. There's something to be said for being able to work in peace. No one knocking on my door. No phone calls. No urgent e-mail correspondence. Just me. Leaving me to be the productive worker bee that I am. ;)After work, P and I headed out to Crabtree Mall in Raleigh. I guess you can say Crabtree mall is one of the better malls out this way. We lucked out on parking, and was able to snatch up a spot immediately. After squeezing out of the driver's side door (b/c the person next to me didn't freak'n know how to park and was nearly half way in my spot) we made our way into the mall. To my surprise, the mall wasn't as crowded as I had expected. Of course there more people there than on a usual Friday, but it wasn't anything like the craziness I was bracing myself for. People were shopping like crazy! Buy! Buy ! Buy! Folks were buying it up! If it was on sale, people were buying it. No matter how tacky the item was. I witnessed many shoppers wasting their money on pointless gifts for their beloved friends and family. You know, the type of gift that when you receive them you say "Awwwww Thank You" trying to sound all enthusiastic forcing a half smile while in your head you're thinking..."Now what in tha' hell am I gonna do with this?" See....I had to be good this year. I'm not one to buy tacky stuff...ok, maybe sometimes...BUT only because I see its potential..lol HOWEVER I am one to snatch up a good deal. I swear SALE & CLEARANCE items beckon me. I'm weak. I'm soooo weak. But like I said, I had to be good, no more frivolous spending for me. I'm still on a mission to find a cute outfit for our annual holiday party next month. Unfortunately, the mission is still not complete....
So, after spending a couple of hours in the mall, I left with a sweater. It's freak'n BLACK FRIDAY, the busiest shopping day of the year, super deals EVERYWHERE, and all I have to show for it is a lousy sweater. I mean, the sweater is cute, but still it's.....just a sweater.
Anyway, enough about that...on to the real reason why I'm writing this blog entry. So as you can see in the picture above, I bought a X-MAS tree!!!! Hooray!!!! I'm so excited!!! o.k....o.k...I have to admit, it's a fake tree, but it's still a x-mas tree none the less. My family has always had x-mas trees in the house while I was growing up but this is my first time having a tree of my own. And if you couldn't tell...I'm EXCITED. I find myself anticipating night to fall so that I can plug in the lights. I'm like a little anxious kid in a shoe store who can't wait to wear their new kicks. You know...the kid that walks out of the store with the new sneakers on and the old shoes they came in with tucked away in the box. I caught myself plugging in the light in the middle of the afternoon because I couldn't wait. Which was prolly really dumb seeing as how no one could see that my lights were on, and I was just adding to my energy bill. But I couldn't help it.
So now I have my holiday decorations all up. I got my tree set up, lights on my balcony, reef on my front door, and poinsettia on my dining room table. And although I won't be out here to celebrate Christmas, seeing the decorations sure puts me in the good mood. Its interesting to see how a my anticipation about x-mas has changed over the years. In the begining I was all excited about the many gifts I was expecting to receive from Santa. Then as I became a little older, the gifts started to decrease, and I had to come to the terms with the fact that Santa (aka my parents) was no longer as generous as he (aka they) used to be. And now, I've come to expect and want no material items. What I want most now for x-mas is to be in the company of family and friends. I crave the laughter, the joy and the happiness of others because I know that their light, their euphoria, and their positve energy will penetrate through me.
2006 has been an interesting year. Lets see what 2007 has to offer. I am believing for great things, and I trust that if I continue to speak it, it will come to fruition. CHEERS!!!
Tis the season!!!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Distorted perception of beauty
Please view the link provided below.
Once you've watched it, come back and read the blog...thanks.
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/film_fullscreen_evo.html
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Though it may not seem this way from the outside especially given the fact that I'm quick to jump in front of a camera's lens, I tend to be a very self conscious person. It always feels like people are looking at me, criticizing me, and pointing out my flaws. If only I could be a little taller, have perkier breasts, smaller lips, nicer texture hair, cute little nose, bigger butt, have a more defined waist I'd be a much happier person.... I think
Why am I so critical of my self? Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate hearing compliments. As with most people, I like to hear when someone likes something about me. "Awwww..thank you," I say. But in my mind, I don't quite see the same thing they see. Is my perception of beauty really that warped? Why can't I look like the girls in the videos and magazines? Not the ones that continue perpetuate the objectification of women with little to no clothes on, ass in the air, feening for the attention of a man...no not those ones.. You know, the ones with the flawless skin, the perfect smile, the long flowing hair, the body to die for. Where do they find these girls anyway? I don't know why it’s so easy for me to see the beauty in others, but so hard for me to acknowledge the beauty within myself. I know that I'm not ugly, but why don't I feel beautiful?
I wonder if other women (and men) feel this way about themselves. Have I allowed the media to manipulate my mind to the extent that I can no longer see clearly? Will my perception of beauty be forever distorted?
If only I could change....
Monday, November 20, 2006
Ahhhh...to be a kid again
Remember when getting high meant swinging at the playground
The worst thing you could get from boys was cooties
Mom was your hero & Dad was the boy you were going to marry
Your worst enemies were your siblings
Race issues were who ran the fastest
War was a card game
Wearing skirts didn't mean you were a slut
The only thing you smoked was the tires on your bike
The only thing that hurt was skinned knees & the only thing that could get broken were your toys Remember when life was simple & care free
I do
But what I remember the most was wanting to grow up
-unknown
I came across this poem/quote today, and it made me smile. Not because there was something funny said, but because it made me think about how simple life once was. As a kid, we always wanted to be grown, have our independence, make money and not have to answer to anyone. However, as children, we didn't realize how good we had it. Imagine living life with no cares or worries in the world. When your biggest dilemma was worrying if "Jason" was gonna be your friend today (even though you and Jason are cousins). Did ya'll do that? My siblings and I ALWAYS did that...lol. "Rae, if you don’t go to the corner store and get me a pack on Now&Laters I'm not your friend no more (rolling eyes, sucking teeth)" as if we really had a choice. Shoot, we shared the same doggone room anyway. We didn’t have to be friends. We were sisters.
But this is the line that really made me reflect on my life (past and present)….
"The only thing that hurt was skinned knees & the only thing that could get broken were your toys"
Boy oh boy...things sure have changed. I wish life were still this way. If the only thing that hurt was a mere scrape on my knee...I would be a happy camper. But unfortunately, as I've gotten older, my knees have been scraped, my legs have felt weak, my stomach has been cramped, my breast have felt sore, my body has been tested, my heart has been wounded, my mind has be strained.
What I would give to live the carefree life of a kid again...
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